Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
