know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
