There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
