I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sober January is a disaster.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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