my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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