the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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