no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
