i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
