I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
