Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
