Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
