In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
