Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
