i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
