i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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