i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
