Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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