and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
