Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
