honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
