Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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