this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
