i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
