made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
