i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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