Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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