This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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