would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
