areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
