My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
