It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
