Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
