Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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