she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
