She is in my trunk
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
