I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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