Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
