sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
