just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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