problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
