Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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