Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
