Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My ass is underappreciated
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
