he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm passing your future prison.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
