Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
