I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
not ubering you a puppy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
