I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
