A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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