On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
