guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
please come you make the beer taste better
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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