where am i from again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
