So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
