I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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